13 April 2008

Of plans and passages

I received a comment in response to my last blog from an old friend from church. Not only did I used to attend a bible study with a friend of mine that he and his wife hosted, I've babysat their 3 blessed children on many past occasions.

Probably in his mid-to-late thirties by now, he stated that he and his wife were married when they were 23 and 24 and how "the awesomeness of that has hardly faltered. Even with the kids who need so much instruction, it's still great to have them and be a family. There are no guarantees but doing it by God's plan increases your odds for marital bliss."

I was once so sure of what God had planned for me. The constant security I received from my relationships and my profession had me convinced that I was on the right path and making the right choices. So once those relationships began to falter I spent so much time trying to look past the obstructions that they fell apart around me. I feel that if I had paid closer attention that it wouldn't have hit quite as hard as it did. And I've since come to realize that in order to stay on track you have to pay really, really close attention to how your decisions are affecting the world you're living in.

Certainty is erratic. One day I'm totally certain that I want to be a doctor, the next I, without a doubt, want to fly to South Africa and open up an AIDS clinic. Call me fickle, but one of the things I have the most difficulty with is listening to what my heart is truly saying. Because God is in my heart, but it always seems like everything and everyone else is shouting while He's sitting patiently waiting for me to listen.

Your life is what you make of it. If you're blessed enough to meet the person that you are undoubtedly meant to have your family with in your early 20s you shouldn't dismiss it because you're still busy being in your early 20s. God won't give you more than you are capable of, and you are capable of happily living your life with the person that you decide to love forever. If at any time you feel that you're not then maybe you should reflect on whose plan your actually carrying out.

I want to end up a capable wife and mother that loves herself and her family. I want to spend the next 30-40 years in a spiritually and financially rewarding profession that provides for myself and my family. I want to be educated and in control of my immediate happiness. I want to believe with all my heart that these are God's plans for me. I pray that I will one day figure it out.

I will be blessed.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him
and he will direct your paths.

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